She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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