I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
