Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
