So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
