I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
