Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize