it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The air was thick with penises
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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