Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
