just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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