she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
