And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
