I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
