So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
