How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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