You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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