**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
