I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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