No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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