1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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