my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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