woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
