she told me i tasted like america
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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