so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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