He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
