Already got asked if we're dating
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
