I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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