Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
