Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
