Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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