i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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