can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
