Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
