I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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