can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
