He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
