How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
