just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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