Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
