living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
