I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize