what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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