I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
