I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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