Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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