this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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