Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
