Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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