Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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