I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
