It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
