Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
