Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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