the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
