I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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