Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
