Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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