You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
