Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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