Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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