At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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