I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
