whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
