So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
