Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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