Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We named our party play list daddy issues
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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