i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
