Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
