I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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