I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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