pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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