just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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