Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All the doctor said was why
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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