I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
