You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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