Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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