'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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