The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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