Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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