the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
