Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
