dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
