i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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