I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
