She said her name was "party"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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