I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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